Sorry for the delay in an update post.
It has been very busy. Lensa's pending arrival has generated an additional buzz in an already busy household.
We are excited; the kids are excited. There are the practical matters to tend to. Preparing her room, arranging for Ethiopian food to be brought to the house. Setting up a contact in Antigonish for her where she will be attending the Coady Institute.
Our generous friends have been bringing beautiful warm clothes for her and I have been making frequent visits to Frenchies to fill in the gap. I have been shopping for her 2 boys. Both boys close to Oskar's age they were good chums while we were in Ethiopia. Forget the language when you have a carousel top ride and a field to chase each other!
We have been telling Jubg that Lensa is coming from Ethiopia. "opia" as she calls it. We area very curious of her reaction having another Ethiopian in the house. Base on recent evidence of Jbugs comprehension, I will ask Lensa to speak Amharic with her.
Imagine Lensa's excitement. A mounting excitement that until this morning turned to anxiety. We received word from her that her travel visa through the UK and Italy were declined. A rarity. She is now floundering. We have offered to help anyway we can. We feel helpless.
Please friends, send your Karma and I will update you!
10.29.2009
10.09.2009
Lensa is coming, Lensa is coming!
A short post as I only have a minute...but after a year and a half of trying our friend Lensa in Ethiopia finally rallies all the necessary resources to attend the Cody Institute in Antigonish for 6 weeks. She arrives November 3 and we will drive her up November 7.
This is so wonderful and unbelievable... I cant wait to see her!
So many friends in the Ethiopian Adoption community participated in a raffle we held for her this spring and we raised $600 towards her tuition!
I will fill you in more later.
This is so wonderful and unbelievable... I cant wait to see her!
So many friends in the Ethiopian Adoption community participated in a raffle we held for her this spring and we raised $600 towards her tuition!
I will fill you in more later.
9.12.2009
Resources
Thank you for the great responses sent to my gmail account on the last post. It is so great to hear from a diverse group. A friend who is biracial and adopted by a white family had great thoughts and affirmations for the authors points, another friend confident in her choices will cross each bridge when they come to it. Another friend relating from the perspective of two same sex parents raising a child, shared similar questions and challenges.
I don't feel we fit into the "category" the author referes to in some ways and we do in others.
We live in a very diverse neighborhood culturally and socio-economically. We are in many ways the odd men out as a middle class family here.We live here first and foremost because it suits mom and dad, but the kids definitely benefit. The schools the children attend are incredibly diverse and that too was a choice meant to support each of our kids. We participate in Ethiopian cultural celebrations and we have made friends that help us stay connected and teach us about the culture.
My daughter has an incredible disposition and an amazing personality. I can already see that she will be successful in dealing with many of life's challenges, the ones we all face. This is more about me. Selfish me, the mother worrying I will let my kids down. Anyway, we slice it as parents in a trans racial family built through adoption, our child will not be able to relate to us in a world that is divided by white and black. Will they still love us, of course. Will they honour and respect the role we have in their life, I sure hope so.
I will never forget a child of a trans racial family tell me "when I was with my family I was different, but I was living white privilege and had that experience. When I left the house without my family, I was just another black man on the street."
This is where I need to discover the tools and supports for my child. I know the right people are out there to help and you all know I'm not too shy to ask. I just hate the labels we live in and I often feel the judging people who think white should not adopt black. That is not for anyone to say. None of us are God, we are all doing the best we can. Love is not enough, but it will get you a hell of allot further in a challenging life than if you are not loved.
Click on today's post title and there in another wonderful resource for trans racial families reading this blog. It is called " Trans racial Parenting in Foster Care and Adoption, Strengthening You Bi cultural Family." On Page 6 there is a Trans racial Parenting Pledge. Pledge number 12 sums up why I have written the last two posts.
One thing not to forget is that most of every day is just about being a family and kids being kids and making memories. Here are some pictures that sum up the life lesson of "Little Sister trying to keep up with Big Brother"
9.04.2009
Your Thoughts....My Emotions too Mixed to Comment
I'm hoping for some feedback on this article. As a white mother raising a white bio child and black adopted child I am constantly struggling with the outside worlds "views" on this. I am mostly at peace as a mother with who my children are and who we are as a family (okay not just at peace, I think my kids kick ass, they are just about two of the neatest, most interesting people I've ever met -sorry for bragging.)
Many white middle class well educated peers tell me "Lisa, just don't worry so much". Over and over we have seen that in fact the new racism is not acknowledging difference, having people who are only observers in the minority world tell us racism does not exist.
My greatest fear is that ignorance is bliss. I can not share with my precious child one of the most defining aspects of her identity, being a immigrant and a minority. In my eyes this is a beautiful part of her identity to be celebrated, she likely wont always feel that way.
I want to be open to what her experiences "may" be, so that I can read the cues. I do this for Oskar too around all kinds of other issues.
I have some heart felt responses to this article, but first I would like to put it out to you and hear what you think.
Click on the the about post title and it will take you to the article.
Lisa
Many white middle class well educated peers tell me "Lisa, just don't worry so much". Over and over we have seen that in fact the new racism is not acknowledging difference, having people who are only observers in the minority world tell us racism does not exist.
My greatest fear is that ignorance is bliss. I can not share with my precious child one of the most defining aspects of her identity, being a immigrant and a minority. In my eyes this is a beautiful part of her identity to be celebrated, she likely wont always feel that way.
I want to be open to what her experiences "may" be, so that I can read the cues. I do this for Oskar too around all kinds of other issues.
I have some heart felt responses to this article, but first I would like to put it out to you and hear what you think.
Click on the the about post title and it will take you to the article.
Lisa
9.03.2009
Another Addition to the Library...
9.01.2009
8.20.2009
Imagine for a Moment...
You know the old saying "If I had a dollar for everytime..." Well if I had a dollar for everytime a well meaning friend, aquaintance or stranger asked me to imagine what would have happened to my daughter if we had not adopted her, the O4E would have to start an endowed trust.
Lets just imagine for a moment what would have happened to the three of us if the miracle of adopting J had not evolved.
Recently, my husband and I observed the children playing together and he casually mentioned how happy it made him. He went on to say when O was on his own he would often watch him play and be filled with sadness. Sad that he was on his own and may never know the love,fun,devotion and bonding of a sibling. What struck me most about this was not his fear for how our son may feel, but the he was feeling that longing that sadness, that sense of not being complete as a family. He is a pretty sure, steadfast type of guy, always able to rationalize outcomes, but he allowed himself to share this.
I asked my husband if he did not share this so clearly with me in the past because he did not want me to feel guilt. Guilt and dissapointment and worry and humilitation, and anger and fear are all emotions this mama had when making the decision not to carry another baby. I knew I needed to stay alive and healthy to fulfill my role as mother, but I was really pissedoff I was put in the position to make this decision. This anger was not pretty. I so dearly wanted to continue parenting to adore and devote myself to another child and to continue the magical ride of their childhoom. Anger ate my dream, it made me moody often detached and distracted from the fact I was already a mom. Would I have ever snapped out of this, would the hurt always simmer at my surface?
Yes, O the adored. Pampered, indulged completeley embraced and living thelive many kids dream of. He may tell you that if Jbug had not arrived, he would not have to watch Dora, he would be able to have all our time all the time, he would never have his craft room destoryed. For all these reason I know his life is richer, he is a better person, more tolerant and less self obsessed. He would also never know the feeling of hiding under his parents duvet with his sister and falling asleep together snuggled in, of being the first face she sees at daycare and squeels with delight, ofunderstanding that he always has someone else on his team no matter how ticked he is with his parents,
Imagine if this amazing little girl was not our daughter and not O's sister. Imagine if we were not the family we were suppose to be. Life needs more than food and shelter to sustain. It needs glue. It needs the complex relationships and sense of belonging only a family can have. When a family has glue no one person
is better off than the other , we take turns. We all need eachother for our own reasons.
I dont want to image any other way.
Lets just imagine for a moment what would have happened to the three of us if the miracle of adopting J had not evolved.
Recently, my husband and I observed the children playing together and he casually mentioned how happy it made him. He went on to say when O was on his own he would often watch him play and be filled with sadness. Sad that he was on his own and may never know the love,fun,devotion and bonding of a sibling. What struck me most about this was not his fear for how our son may feel, but the he was feeling that longing that sadness, that sense of not being complete as a family. He is a pretty sure, steadfast type of guy, always able to rationalize outcomes, but he allowed himself to share this.
I asked my husband if he did not share this so clearly with me in the past because he did not want me to feel guilt. Guilt and dissapointment and worry and humilitation, and anger and fear are all emotions this mama had when making the decision not to carry another baby. I knew I needed to stay alive and healthy to fulfill my role as mother, but I was really pissedoff I was put in the position to make this decision. This anger was not pretty. I so dearly wanted to continue parenting to adore and devote myself to another child and to continue the magical ride of their childhoom. Anger ate my dream, it made me moody often detached and distracted from the fact I was already a mom. Would I have ever snapped out of this, would the hurt always simmer at my surface?
Yes, O the adored. Pampered, indulged completeley embraced and living thelive many kids dream of. He may tell you that if Jbug had not arrived, he would not have to watch Dora, he would be able to have all our time all the time, he would never have his craft room destoryed. For all these reason I know his life is richer, he is a better person, more tolerant and less self obsessed. He would also never know the feeling of hiding under his parents duvet with his sister and falling asleep together snuggled in, of being the first face she sees at daycare and squeels with delight, ofunderstanding that he always has someone else on his team no matter how ticked he is with his parents,
Imagine if this amazing little girl was not our daughter and not O's sister. Imagine if we were not the family we were suppose to be. Life needs more than food and shelter to sustain. It needs glue. It needs the complex relationships and sense of belonging only a family can have. When a family has glue no one person
is better off than the other , we take turns. We all need eachother for our own reasons.
I dont want to image any other way.
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